Friendship and Relationship

In search for 'the ONE'. Some conversation I had today with few of my friends. All in the search for 'the ONE'... and 'the ONE' has not shown up yet.

Does such thing ever exist? Will there actually be a special someone who will steal yr heart, sweep you off yr feet, and you can claim that he is 'the ONE'. Or will it be like the story that you go on with your whole life searching and searching for a Perfect one... Kept thinking that there's a better one ahead, and in the end, end up with nothing? There's a story that goes with it....

A little boy was told to go out into the field to search for the prettiest flower and bring it back home, with the condition that he can only go forward, and cannot turn backwards to pluck any flower which he has already walked past. As he goes out into the field, he comes across some pretty flowers, but kept thinking that there will be prettier flowers still lying ahead of him waiting for him, he kept going. So he goes on and on, without plucking any flowers, in hope that there will be prettier flowers ahead. Until he reach the fench surrounding the field, he still hasn't plucked any flower and he returned home empty handed. He has missed the chance to get the pretty flowers from the field, as he kept thinking that there are better ones ahead. But in the end, he missed all the chances he had and came back with nothing.

Like the story, I'm beginning to feel like I'm a flower in the field, and this little boy picked me up. This is a different boy, a lazy boy who doesn't bother walking furthur into the field in search for a beautiful flower. He jst plucked the first flower he see's, and brings that home. Regardless if the flower likes it or not, regardless if the flower is stored in a proper place, and regardless if it's happy or not.

Anyway, I somehow feel like I'm heading towards another disaster in relationship...again!. I'm probably not meant for all this.

Back to what my title says, Friendship and Relationships. The one thing which I will always live to regret, is that I never really had proper friendship first, before the relationship comes in. I have came to learn that it is during the Friendship stage which you will learn most about the other party. As friends we can be open with each other, understanding each other needs andeverything. In a relationship, it truely depends. When I kept to myself, revealing so little truth about myself, I felt it was unfair and it caused strains to the relationship that I was always lying and not being honest. When I decide to be open up and tell the truth about everything, I do not get back the same treatment from the other person who is hiding away from me, and it's causing me to hide back into my shell. End of the day, thick solid brick walls, cemented up high high up into the ceiling has been built in between. Ain't this heading towards disaster...again?

Yin Yang, positive negative. I dun really understand how it works sometimes. When there is someone who plucks the moon for me and gives me the world, I fail to appreciate and fail to give him back what he gave me. The person whom I pluck the stars for and give the world too, takes me as invinsible and only comes looking for me when he is bored and in need of a company.

To conclude, I believe that friendship should be the foundation for any relationship. If it is a strong foundation, more likely the relationship will work out.

One thing which I am always very glad of, is that every relationship teaches u a lesson and you will learn much from it. It's also a miracle that from couples, we became enemies by not speaking to each other, to becoming friends again, and now good friends who can really talk about anything at all. More open to each other compared to me and my bf now. It's really good to have friends like this, who understands u, knows yr bad points and holds u back before u go errupt up in front of other ppl.

For me at this moment, I wasn't given enough time to build a strong friendship foundation before the relationship. When it has reached the stage of what it has become now... Tat the only thing we talk about is "what u doing", and sometimes we don't even talk at all. That he cannot open up to me and tell me how is his day, what he's thinking, how's everything. That he no longer bothers to ask me how am i, if I am ok. Yells at me when I take his hp. That he can leave me to get myself back from Bangsar, and even when I vomitted or said I'm not well he couldn't even offer a hug or a kind word other then jst standing there and laughing at me. When go jogging up the hill late evening when they sky is already dark, I feel uncomfortable walking there in the dark and I was frightened. Instead of jst holding my hands to let me feel assured, he tries to run away or talks more nonsence to trigger my anxiety even more.

The sense of 'security', the feeling of being taken care off, the knowledge that even if the sky falls down he'll be there to keep u safe is not there.

Of cos, I know, as when I told my friend this, he said I was being demanding. But on a girls standpoint of view, I don't view myself as being demanding. It is jst why during courtship you can care about the girl, do nice things for her, calls her, talks to her, listen to her, and make her feel appreciated and love. But after some time, guys jst dun bother doing all this anymore. I don't demand for extra attention which was never given to me before. I jst want everything to remain like how it used to be.

Of cos, in the beginning I asked what will happen to us in the future, he will always have smart and good answers for me. If i were to ask that now, he will answer things that he don't know and not sure. It makes the relationship more rocky and unstable as it is already now.