Masters program, or not to do masters program. Dilemma…. Tough decision.
Applications starts in December, and if I really wanna apply, I need to go get my Lecturer from uni and my supervisor from workplace to fill up a form for me and sort of assess me in it.. Man…jst to apply for a program, you need to go through all those things, Find it so troublesome.. Why can’t it jst be, filling up the form yrself, submit a few supporting documents, and that’s it!
I suppose there are many Pro’s and Con’s which I have to consider before I decide….
Pro’s
I suppose I really wanted to learn something. I am interested in Artificial Intelligence by itself…strikes me as very interesting, there’s a lot of secrets in it which has yet to reveal itself. It is for interest sake.
It will be cool also, if after I do my masters and I get myself a job as a lecturer. I get to continue doing researches, learn new things, attend seminars (like how I see my uni lecturer’s do), learn new things and the knowledge you get is un-replaceble.
The thought of leaving everything back here, jst drop everything and go off to someplace new (USM in Penang), seems very tempting. It’ll be a good chance for me to learn and experience it for myself how it feels to be living away from home. And a good chance for me to focus really on myself, what I want and be independent. Back home here, my attention is all very un-focused. I have my music school to think of, my work place, my family too mostly… There’s a lot responsibilities here. But if I were to go, I am able to let it all go, and jst be on myself. I get to do whatever I want, and a chance to feel what freedom is.
Con’s
As usual, if there are Pro’s, there’s always the Con’s too.
If I finish my masters in AI, I suppose the job prospect doesn’t give me much choice back here in Malaysia. The only option is towards the Academic field – Lecturing and Researching. That got me worried, if I dun get myself a job as a lecturer or a researcher, then what will I do? Start again from bottom like where I am now (a fresh Degree grad?) It will be wasting 1 year of time (of cos I get to gain knowledge in the field I want, but I do not get to apply it in this competitive corporate world), and have to start all over again to gain experience in this corporate world.
I know local uni’s fees is cheap, and way cheaper then oversea’s uni. But it is still money, about RM5k. If I can pay for my own education fees, what about my cost of living? If I were to go over to USM, Penang to do my masters, that means I won’t be getting side income from teaching piano here in SIM, and I won’t be able to support myself for 1 year (Based on how little saving’s I have now)
I have to also put aside everything I have back here. I’ll be apart from my family, friends and most importantly Eeyore. I know that sometime he pisses me off and pays absolutely no attention to me, but anyhow also I know that he is near by and if I really need him, I can reach him. But once I go over to a foreign place, I am all alone, and have to start making friends again.
I suppose the most important aspect which is holding me back now is financially and also leaving Eeyore behind. 1 Year is not a long period of time, neither is it short.
It will be really cool, like how Shivy took 1 year to go Holland, and how Kaman went Japan for the fun and experience of staying in a foreign country. Now I will be taking 1 year to venture and learn about things I like, AI, gain knowledge and after that will only decide how things goes and which career path I choose. However, financially, I cannot support myself. Emotionally, I cannot bring myself to leave him behind, and the thoughts of not being able to see him for weeks, months is killing me.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Beauty..physical or indepth?
Beautiful.. Is physical beauty more important then indepth beauty?
Many of us will view physical beauty as a more important aspect when it comes to choosing their partner's. Afterall, physical beauty is everything which gives a first impression to people who meets you.
Initially of cos, and until now i still do believe that indepth beauty is more important and it outshines physical beauty. However it amazes me when I have a chat with a couple of people who will choose physical looks more. That i have come to conclude, maybe most people out there also will be the same and choose physical beauty first. Afterall, who won't want to be seen with a handsome bf or a pretty gf with them? Of cos there is no right or wrong, everyone is free to make their own choice.
I mean, it is very true that these days, with good looks, good body, good clothes, good way of speaking and a little bit of common sence is enough to pull you through an interview and get you a good job. It is just a fact of life...that If two ladies were to go for an interview, both with same qualification, but one of them is pretty with a good figure to go with it wherelse the other is more plain looking and not so shapey, the prettier lady is more likely to secure the job.
I have met people, who turn down girls/guys because they are not pretty/handsome. They don't even give themselves a chance to get to know them.
I have also met guys and girls, who may not be classified as pretty, or handsome. But I do know them personally and in person, they have the best personality anyone could ever have. Such great people, they are the type who would do anything for you and they are the nicest people anyone could meet. But jst bcos they are slightly overweight, and not as attractive as other people, they have difficulties in meeting people who will love them for who they are.
I feel that we shouldn't discrimate a person for how she/he looks. We should allow ourselve to get to know them for who they really are, and not jst for their looks. Else, it is unfair.
Guess, sometimes it is jst human nature. I sometimes tell myself too, perhaps if I'm prettier, or if I look sexier, then my bf will pay more attention to me. But then again, physical beauty does not last long. People age, and the body will age too. Does that mean that when I grow old, and get wrinkles, go all fat and ugly my husband will lose interest in me? That's perhaps so also...else why is there such thing call prostitution which guys go for? The young girl's body will always be in full supply in that area call prostitution. So even if guys age old, and their wife's body is no longer as appealing then how it used to, prostitution is where they can get younger bodies.
I suppose I don't really know what I'm typing in here either. I'm sitting in office and feeling sleepy.
Facts of life.
I have just came to learn from my bf also, that it is facts of life that after some time of being in a relationship, guys will lose interest and tend to drift away. They will give u less attention, miss u less, talk to u less and see u less often. That is the time when girls like myself feel the need to move on to find someone else who could giv us the attention we want so we would feel appreciated and loved. Then it will happen all over again, and when will the cycle end? As of my last posting...I suppose, I just haven't found 'the one', and also I am perhaps just not 'the one' for him.
Many of us will view physical beauty as a more important aspect when it comes to choosing their partner's. Afterall, physical beauty is everything which gives a first impression to people who meets you.
Initially of cos, and until now i still do believe that indepth beauty is more important and it outshines physical beauty. However it amazes me when I have a chat with a couple of people who will choose physical looks more. That i have come to conclude, maybe most people out there also will be the same and choose physical beauty first. Afterall, who won't want to be seen with a handsome bf or a pretty gf with them? Of cos there is no right or wrong, everyone is free to make their own choice.
I mean, it is very true that these days, with good looks, good body, good clothes, good way of speaking and a little bit of common sence is enough to pull you through an interview and get you a good job. It is just a fact of life...that If two ladies were to go for an interview, both with same qualification, but one of them is pretty with a good figure to go with it wherelse the other is more plain looking and not so shapey, the prettier lady is more likely to secure the job.
I have met people, who turn down girls/guys because they are not pretty/handsome. They don't even give themselves a chance to get to know them.
I have also met guys and girls, who may not be classified as pretty, or handsome. But I do know them personally and in person, they have the best personality anyone could ever have. Such great people, they are the type who would do anything for you and they are the nicest people anyone could meet. But jst bcos they are slightly overweight, and not as attractive as other people, they have difficulties in meeting people who will love them for who they are.
I feel that we shouldn't discrimate a person for how she/he looks. We should allow ourselve to get to know them for who they really are, and not jst for their looks. Else, it is unfair.
Guess, sometimes it is jst human nature. I sometimes tell myself too, perhaps if I'm prettier, or if I look sexier, then my bf will pay more attention to me. But then again, physical beauty does not last long. People age, and the body will age too. Does that mean that when I grow old, and get wrinkles, go all fat and ugly my husband will lose interest in me? That's perhaps so also...else why is there such thing call prostitution which guys go for? The young girl's body will always be in full supply in that area call prostitution. So even if guys age old, and their wife's body is no longer as appealing then how it used to, prostitution is where they can get younger bodies.
I suppose I don't really know what I'm typing in here either. I'm sitting in office and feeling sleepy.
Facts of life.
I have just came to learn from my bf also, that it is facts of life that after some time of being in a relationship, guys will lose interest and tend to drift away. They will give u less attention, miss u less, talk to u less and see u less often. That is the time when girls like myself feel the need to move on to find someone else who could giv us the attention we want so we would feel appreciated and loved. Then it will happen all over again, and when will the cycle end? As of my last posting...I suppose, I just haven't found 'the one', and also I am perhaps just not 'the one' for him.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Friendship and Relationship
In search for 'the ONE'. Some conversation I had today with few of my friends. All in the search for 'the ONE'... and 'the ONE' has not shown up yet.
Does such thing ever exist? Will there actually be a special someone who will steal yr heart, sweep you off yr feet, and you can claim that he is 'the ONE'. Or will it be like the story that you go on with your whole life searching and searching for a Perfect one... Kept thinking that there's a better one ahead, and in the end, end up with nothing? There's a story that goes with it....
A little boy was told to go out into the field to search for the prettiest flower and bring it back home, with the condition that he can only go forward, and cannot turn backwards to pluck any flower which he has already walked past. As he goes out into the field, he comes across some pretty flowers, but kept thinking that there will be prettier flowers still lying ahead of him waiting for him, he kept going. So he goes on and on, without plucking any flowers, in hope that there will be prettier flowers ahead. Until he reach the fench surrounding the field, he still hasn't plucked any flower and he returned home empty handed. He has missed the chance to get the pretty flowers from the field, as he kept thinking that there are better ones ahead. But in the end, he missed all the chances he had and came back with nothing.
Like the story, I'm beginning to feel like I'm a flower in the field, and this little boy picked me up. This is a different boy, a lazy boy who doesn't bother walking furthur into the field in search for a beautiful flower. He jst plucked the first flower he see's, and brings that home. Regardless if the flower likes it or not, regardless if the flower is stored in a proper place, and regardless if it's happy or not.
Anyway, I somehow feel like I'm heading towards another disaster in relationship...again!. I'm probably not meant for all this.
Back to what my title says, Friendship and Relationships. The one thing which I will always live to regret, is that I never really had proper friendship first, before the relationship comes in. I have came to learn that it is during the Friendship stage which you will learn most about the other party. As friends we can be open with each other, understanding each other needs andeverything. In a relationship, it truely depends. When I kept to myself, revealing so little truth about myself, I felt it was unfair and it caused strains to the relationship that I was always lying and not being honest. When I decide to be open up and tell the truth about everything, I do not get back the same treatment from the other person who is hiding away from me, and it's causing me to hide back into my shell. End of the day, thick solid brick walls, cemented up high high up into the ceiling has been built in between. Ain't this heading towards disaster...again?
Yin Yang, positive negative. I dun really understand how it works sometimes. When there is someone who plucks the moon for me and gives me the world, I fail to appreciate and fail to give him back what he gave me. The person whom I pluck the stars for and give the world too, takes me as invinsible and only comes looking for me when he is bored and in need of a company.
To conclude, I believe that friendship should be the foundation for any relationship. If it is a strong foundation, more likely the relationship will work out.
One thing which I am always very glad of, is that every relationship teaches u a lesson and you will learn much from it. It's also a miracle that from couples, we became enemies by not speaking to each other, to becoming friends again, and now good friends who can really talk about anything at all. More open to each other compared to me and my bf now. It's really good to have friends like this, who understands u, knows yr bad points and holds u back before u go errupt up in front of other ppl.
For me at this moment, I wasn't given enough time to build a strong friendship foundation before the relationship. When it has reached the stage of what it has become now... Tat the only thing we talk about is "what u doing", and sometimes we don't even talk at all. That he cannot open up to me and tell me how is his day, what he's thinking, how's everything. That he no longer bothers to ask me how am i, if I am ok. Yells at me when I take his hp. That he can leave me to get myself back from Bangsar, and even when I vomitted or said I'm not well he couldn't even offer a hug or a kind word other then jst standing there and laughing at me. When go jogging up the hill late evening when they sky is already dark, I feel uncomfortable walking there in the dark and I was frightened. Instead of jst holding my hands to let me feel assured, he tries to run away or talks more nonsence to trigger my anxiety even more.
The sense of 'security', the feeling of being taken care off, the knowledge that even if the sky falls down he'll be there to keep u safe is not there.
Of cos, I know, as when I told my friend this, he said I was being demanding. But on a girls standpoint of view, I don't view myself as being demanding. It is jst why during courtship you can care about the girl, do nice things for her, calls her, talks to her, listen to her, and make her feel appreciated and love. But after some time, guys jst dun bother doing all this anymore. I don't demand for extra attention which was never given to me before. I jst want everything to remain like how it used to be.
Of cos, in the beginning I asked what will happen to us in the future, he will always have smart and good answers for me. If i were to ask that now, he will answer things that he don't know and not sure. It makes the relationship more rocky and unstable as it is already now.
Does such thing ever exist? Will there actually be a special someone who will steal yr heart, sweep you off yr feet, and you can claim that he is 'the ONE'. Or will it be like the story that you go on with your whole life searching and searching for a Perfect one... Kept thinking that there's a better one ahead, and in the end, end up with nothing? There's a story that goes with it....
A little boy was told to go out into the field to search for the prettiest flower and bring it back home, with the condition that he can only go forward, and cannot turn backwards to pluck any flower which he has already walked past. As he goes out into the field, he comes across some pretty flowers, but kept thinking that there will be prettier flowers still lying ahead of him waiting for him, he kept going. So he goes on and on, without plucking any flowers, in hope that there will be prettier flowers ahead. Until he reach the fench surrounding the field, he still hasn't plucked any flower and he returned home empty handed. He has missed the chance to get the pretty flowers from the field, as he kept thinking that there are better ones ahead. But in the end, he missed all the chances he had and came back with nothing.
Like the story, I'm beginning to feel like I'm a flower in the field, and this little boy picked me up. This is a different boy, a lazy boy who doesn't bother walking furthur into the field in search for a beautiful flower. He jst plucked the first flower he see's, and brings that home. Regardless if the flower likes it or not, regardless if the flower is stored in a proper place, and regardless if it's happy or not.
Anyway, I somehow feel like I'm heading towards another disaster in relationship...again!. I'm probably not meant for all this.
Back to what my title says, Friendship and Relationships. The one thing which I will always live to regret, is that I never really had proper friendship first, before the relationship comes in. I have came to learn that it is during the Friendship stage which you will learn most about the other party. As friends we can be open with each other, understanding each other needs andeverything. In a relationship, it truely depends. When I kept to myself, revealing so little truth about myself, I felt it was unfair and it caused strains to the relationship that I was always lying and not being honest. When I decide to be open up and tell the truth about everything, I do not get back the same treatment from the other person who is hiding away from me, and it's causing me to hide back into my shell. End of the day, thick solid brick walls, cemented up high high up into the ceiling has been built in between. Ain't this heading towards disaster...again?
Yin Yang, positive negative. I dun really understand how it works sometimes. When there is someone who plucks the moon for me and gives me the world, I fail to appreciate and fail to give him back what he gave me. The person whom I pluck the stars for and give the world too, takes me as invinsible and only comes looking for me when he is bored and in need of a company.
To conclude, I believe that friendship should be the foundation for any relationship. If it is a strong foundation, more likely the relationship will work out.
One thing which I am always very glad of, is that every relationship teaches u a lesson and you will learn much from it. It's also a miracle that from couples, we became enemies by not speaking to each other, to becoming friends again, and now good friends who can really talk about anything at all. More open to each other compared to me and my bf now. It's really good to have friends like this, who understands u, knows yr bad points and holds u back before u go errupt up in front of other ppl.
For me at this moment, I wasn't given enough time to build a strong friendship foundation before the relationship. When it has reached the stage of what it has become now... Tat the only thing we talk about is "what u doing", and sometimes we don't even talk at all. That he cannot open up to me and tell me how is his day, what he's thinking, how's everything. That he no longer bothers to ask me how am i, if I am ok. Yells at me when I take his hp. That he can leave me to get myself back from Bangsar, and even when I vomitted or said I'm not well he couldn't even offer a hug or a kind word other then jst standing there and laughing at me. When go jogging up the hill late evening when they sky is already dark, I feel uncomfortable walking there in the dark and I was frightened. Instead of jst holding my hands to let me feel assured, he tries to run away or talks more nonsence to trigger my anxiety even more.
The sense of 'security', the feeling of being taken care off, the knowledge that even if the sky falls down he'll be there to keep u safe is not there.
Of cos, I know, as when I told my friend this, he said I was being demanding. But on a girls standpoint of view, I don't view myself as being demanding. It is jst why during courtship you can care about the girl, do nice things for her, calls her, talks to her, listen to her, and make her feel appreciated and love. But after some time, guys jst dun bother doing all this anymore. I don't demand for extra attention which was never given to me before. I jst want everything to remain like how it used to be.
Of cos, in the beginning I asked what will happen to us in the future, he will always have smart and good answers for me. If i were to ask that now, he will answer things that he don't know and not sure. It makes the relationship more rocky and unstable as it is already now.
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