I wonder...

I wonder.... why am I working at such position in such company... It's not any kind of job which I ever had in mind. It's like... I don't feel like I'm learning anything here. I came in with 0 knowledge, and still staying at bar 0. Only difference it made is that I have met new friends there. Is there a reason why God allowed me to work in here?

I wonder... If I should quit teaching, and start picking up something else. Something which I can learn from instead...like maybe pursueing my Masters. But then again..masters in what?

I wonder... why isn't there a sombody who would be here with me, listen to me, share with me, and offer me advise when I need it most?

I wonder... why teacher never thought their students about appreciation?

I wonder...why is it that I feel my existance on earth doesn't make any difference to anybody at all? Not at work, neither with Hypo. With or without me, life goes on as usual for him. Sometimes I really wonder what is my "Scope of Work" - terminology frequently used in work place. Maybe my "validity period" has already expired and that's why nobody seems bothered bout me anymore. He has been away for so long, and there's absolutely nothing he has to talk to me...comes up with all the excuses that he wanna watch tv, send email, study etc etc, that he cannot talk to me. But turns out in the end, he goes talk to other ppl. Nothing to talk to me, but so much to talk to others. Most geram part huh... is when I don't online at all, he will call me to online (like wat he did in spore), BUT, he won't talk to me AT ALL. Have anyone ever met any donkeys like that huh?

I wonder.... why do I feels like a stranger now pulak. Talking nonsence over the net, and not really what I wanna talk about.

I wonder... what am I gonna do with my future? I really wanna learn something...i really need advise.

I wonder... why do I feel like someone has just dug a deep deep hole and burried me inside it.

At times like this...I really miss alot of things in life. Times when u call up yr buddies anytime of the day and talk about anything under the sun (this I noticed, is not valid anymore when u r in a relationship. I haven't had any actual talk with him for ages.)

I wonder...why do I feel like crying now for no reasons. I guess I just miss the feeling of being loved and feel appreciated