I have almost finished blogging on my 1st May 2006, when I don't know what I did... my whole blog disappeared. Before I can save it.. Sigh... I shall re-blog.
First of all, I said it was a miracle...in this blog I barely mention the name "Andrew". But somehow, he knows I'm talking about him. Somehow, it is like as though he is self proclaiming that he is the "kalethe", the "Hypo", the "Kerengga" mentioned through out this blog.
Going back to my 1st May 2006... It is the day which I got to celebrate together with "Kerengga". We started the day off with Tim Sum breakfast in SS2. After that drove over to Ampang, drive around to find the Spa place, and dinner place - Tambourine Square. Along the way, stopped by a short while at Great Eastern Mall first to kill time, as the spa appointment was at 12 noon. At noon, we went to the spa place, called Manja Manja. The interior design and all was really nice and 'earthy'...it felt close to nature and very comfortable feeling. It was really pampering.
We started off the massage with a foot wash by dipping our feets in a pool of warm murky whitish water with flowers floating on top. It was ticklish when they wiped our feets and washed them. After that, we proceed to lie down on the bed, on top of a sheet of plastic. First they put oil onto us, then they started putting scrub all over our body. They scrub and scrub and scrub until I felt I had no more skin. After that they coated us in warm banana oil and turned the plastic up and wrapped our body up, mummified our body up.
Then, they started the face spa. Massaging our face, and ended it up putting on a thick layer of wet dripping mask, which started dripping down my neck, and big wet piece of cucumber over our eyes. They left us in that mummified position for 15-30 minutes. It was ticklish having water dripping down my neck, but as I was mummified, i cannot move. Cannot move, cannot sleep. Torturing... Finally, they came back to release us. Proceeded to massage somemore on the face, clean it up. Massage the scalp and then it was time for a shower. After shower, continued on for a round of massage and a round of hot stone therapy. The hot stone therapy is rather different then the one i tried in Mt Kiara. Probably cos before the hot stone, they already did a round of kneeding massage already. But still the hot stone massage done by the Mt Kiara people for the shoulders, during the road show was the best. That hot stone massage for the sholders, can really feel the stress and pressure realeasing from the shoulders as they massaage and rub you with the stones.
Anyway, after the massage, the nice pamperring massage, we proceed to Avenue K for slight snack of fried rice, and walked around KLCC awhile before proceeding to Tambourine Square for our dinner on the tree top. It was nice being up there. Felt like being on top of a tree house, in the middle of a jungle and surrounded by scenery. The place was lighted up with candles and as it was drizzling, it felt breezy and not hot.
Didn't manage to taste the food, as Kerengga started to annoy me then. On top of the table, they put some Jasmine flowers for decorating. Kerengga started picking the flowers one by one and throwing it at me. Just a few is ok...but he threw again and again and didn't wanna stop. It really annoys me. Esp when he already knows I was annoyed, but yet he continued throwing still. Somemore say I cannot be angry at him, and only he can be angry with me. Said he don't wanna talk to me anymore, said he will leave me. The only reason which kept me seated at my seat still, and finished up my food was...... I was in the middle of no where. If I were to walk away, I doubt there will be taxi around on the hill top. And that means having to walk all the way down hill in the rain, and it being so dark, I may have been kidnapped already before reaching down the hill. Really start to .... I dunno how to describe my feelings.
It's the same feeling as last time when he dumped me in Bangsar.... ppl call it disappointment I guess. I know, if last nite I were to walk away from the dinner table, he really would have left me alone in the hill top to walk home myself. At least, Bangsar wasn't that bad, Alex was there and there's always taxi's around. But last night was really in a place where I don't know where at all. It really sucks.
The only thing which gave me peace of mind was when we sat in his car, and dunno what he was doing. Talking to God gave me peace. I don't understand why... if he really loved me why he had to make me cry again and again? until today he didn't even apologize (I believe he didn't apologized cos he says he was not at wrong). I don't see the logic in it either. We were seated nicely in a nice expensive classy place, and there he goes throwing flowers at me, littering the whole place... and I don't get any rights to be angry? I already warned him few times to say I didn't like yet. Yet, he continued throwing at me. Dumbest logic I've ever heard in the world... is that he can be angry with me, but I can never ever be angry with him. Cos he sacrifised his time to come out and spend the day with me, therefore I earn no rights to be angry with him. He even blackmailed me, say if I misbehave he will really stop talking to me for the rest of my life. And that means, getting home myself last night also.
If this is the way things are going to be, I really do not like it so. It's like...I have no say at all. He controls the whole game, that I don't even have the rights to say what I like and don't like, I dun have the rights to even be angry.
Analysing back what happened last night... I suppose, I've really lost my place in his heart and it hurts to know. The way he said it...it's as though he coming out to spend 1 day with me is torturing and I forced him to come out. It's not he who wanted to spend time with me, he's spending time with me cos I asked him to. And in return of him doin so, I owe him everything.
When he blackmailed to say he will stop talking to me forever..... what does that show? That he's only talking to me now because he's doing me a favour? That brings another question, when everything he does shows that I've already lost my placing, then why am I still hanging on?
I suppose if this relationship doesn't work out, I'm gonna go make a vow never to ever fall in love again. If being in love is going to be so hurtful, filled with disappointments again and again...then I don't wanna be in it.
Perhaps why he always calls me 'chun tet'...I'm beginning to see the reason behind it now. I've never ever believe that there will come a day, when the same guy will disappoint me again and again, but yet I am not pulling out. Never once imagined that there will come a day where a guy will have so much control over me... it is really unhealthy. Feels like the moment when we got wrapped up during the spa, when we were mummified and cannot move.
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