Meeting "the" family

I wonder if it’s ever possible to be with a guy, and never ever have to meet his family.

Chinese New Year and Christmas time is the time I look forward to (bcos of the holidays), and also dread at the same time… *sigh*

Meeting the immediate family itself is already horrific for me. One father, one mother, TWO sisters and a brother, and each siblings with TWO kids. There’s already so many of them.

When it comes to eating together, or going somewhere together.. gosh.. I’ll have few sleepless nights 1st before that day comes. That’s the time they find out that I don’t eat a lot of things, and in front of them I have to pretend to like everything and just swallow whatever is on my plate.

I thought I’ve gotten over the worst of them all, meeting the siblings and parents. But looks like the worst have yet to begin…

I forgot the thing about his old buddies and his RELATIVES which includes about 10 uncle aunties families, and also all the cousin brothers and sister’s which comes with it. And that’s not all… There’s another group of people called his church members!

At this point of state, I just feel like buying an air ticket to Africa and just tell his parents I cannot make it for Christmas because I’m in Africa being chased by Elephants.

Our 1st Christmas together, nothing was expected from me, and I spent it with my uni mates while he went back to spend with his family. 2nd Christmas was memorable and we spent it together with his whole family in Audrey’s place in KL. It was actually my 1st time counting down to Christmas that way, in a family. Usually for me it’s just sitting in CyberWorld waiting to countdown for Christmas with some friends, or hanging out somewhere and waiting for the midnight to wish my friends and then go home to sleep.

It was a good Christmas last year, but I still felt shy and scared being around his family. I feel akward. I thought I can somehow run away and avoid Christmas this year, but somehow I got caught before I can say anything.

I was with his parents when his mom asked him whether he was going back Sban for the Church dinner. And she suddenly turned and asked me “Winnie, u want to come for the dinner?”. My Gosh, I was just so dumbstruck that I felt as though someone just punched me on the face. I had no excuse or anything, and I was prepared for it. And next thing I know, Andrew said his parents got me a ticket already.

I’m just way so terrified. I mean, I know it’s a good sign when a guy brings u back home and introduces u to his family, relatives, friends etc etc. But… I just don’t feel ready. I felt it’s too early to meet his relatives or church members.

There’s many many things which bothers me about all this meeting / gathering stuff.

Have to then worry about my dressing, my behaviour, the way I speak, walk, talk, eat and what other people would think of me. Then for sure, as I'm the alien in the place alot of people are bound to pay extra attention to me. *sigh*.

Worst of all, the ever favorite question people would like to ask “so how long have you known him”, “when getting married ah?”. Man… on average, I hear that question at least ONCE every month!

I don’t quite mind meeting his friends. But when it comes to Church and relatives, I feel it’s just so… scary!

On a serious side, I guess, end of the day, from the bottom of my heart, I’m afraid to attend functions like this is because I’m afraid of what will happen if the relationship doesn’t work out.

He gets pissed off with me all the time and says I got bad taste, I’m stupid. I dunno when will be the day when he finally decides he has enough of me, and that he’s thoroughly fed up and gives up on me. There will also come a day when he finds / meet someone smarter, prettier and more suitable for him, and he will then forget who I am. There’s just so many girls out there who are better then me. I’m just plain, simple, stupid me.

Most of the time, I always feel that he is still here entertaining me, just because his dream girl have not revealed herself. I somehow feel and know, I’m not his dream girl and not the person he’s looking for. When that person shows up in his life, I’ll be a nobody again. I just feel .. insecure. He always talks about finding a new girl and all that, I just don’t know when he will really go do that. I don't know how long more he will continue be with me, and I don't know when he will leave me.

Life is just so sad sometimes.. Ironic.

I wonder if true love really exist? Can 2 person really love each other with all their heart? Will there be someone who can completely be 100% true to me and loves me as much as I do? Who can make me feel secured.