I have had a good Christmas celebration this year, let me just summarize here my Christmas celebration.
Christmas Eve :
Spent my morning in SIM, with not many students around. I only teached from 10.15 till 11.15, then sat around and waited until 1.15pm when my next student came, and went home at 2.15 already. Just like that, my whole morning gone in SIM sitting around waiting for student and reading newspaper.
After SIM, I went to Mid Valley with my mom and sister. Went and got Eeyore's parents christmas present, and had our late lunch there. Christmas is indeed already in the air, it was packed everywhere and that even to get our food, we had to queue so long.
After Mid Valley, I went home about 5pm plus, and about 6pm, andrew came to pick me up already. Proceeded to go Hilton Hotel to pick up his brother in law and Joshua. From there, we made our way to his Audrey's place.
At Audrey's place, I felt so lost. Andrew as usual, he just left me there alone and don't know where he goes. I thought it was just a small christmas gathering, but when I saw the amount of food prepared on the table for the steamboat, I jst felt like dissolving straight into the ground already. His whole family was there, including Audrey's husband's family. So many kids running around.
The day before I had gastrick pain in the evening because of late dinner. So in Audrey's place that time, this Andrew went and cook my portion of food first, told his mom and sister that I will have gastrick and made me sit there like Lulu clown to start eating first. He cook and eat with me nevermind... but he didn't. He cooked and left me there to eat alone.
Anyway, it was quite interesting also. My cousins are all grown up now, and not alot of nephew neices to gather around in my family. In andrew's family he has 5 nephews and 1 neice..reminds me of the time when I was still young and together wit my cousins we all must have been a pain for our mom's to take care of.
So we all had our steamboat dinner, cleaned up after dinner, sat around watch the kids playing around. On and off, 1 of the kid will start wailing and another starts crying. When it was close to midnight, gifts were distributed out from under the tree. Amazing was I got gifts too! something which I wasn't expecting. After midnight, everyone went around shaking hands and wishing each other.
The kids starts opening their gifts. Then everyone open the gifts.. The kids starts playing with their remote control cars and cars starts zooming in from all direction all over the floor. By the time I got home, it was already 1.30am, exhausted and I went straight to sleep. zzzz
To be continued....
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Christmas is in the air - Working Blues
Christmas is in the air… I smell Christmas, I see Christmas, but I don’t feel Christmas. Currently it’s just work, work, work and work.
Again it’ll be the same thing… I feel like I’m the one being paid least among the 3 of us, but yet I am the one with most projects and most work to do and follow up. But I suppose, everything happens for a reason and God has it all planned out for us. I really do hope that all these happens for a reason, and I trust in Him that whatever is happening to me now, is just temporary and that there will be a pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow.
I really don’t know what I’m doing, my current job really sucks and it’s the kind of job you don’t have to have a Degree to do.. I feel like such a small fry and being belittled. But anyhow, at least in a way or another, all these kind of dumb things pay off in the end. At least I get paid monthly, and by doing more projects and working with more people I am announcing my presence to everyone and getting myself known.
Well, those about round up my feelings at the moment. Work stress mingled with Christmas mood. I went to Mid Valley to get rid of these negative charges I got from work and try to capture the Christmas mood and charge back some positive vibes. It did work for a while…the decorations, the time spent with Eeyore and my sis capturing photo’s.. But however, Eeyore was as usual late in fetching us and it didn’t leave us much time to walk around to window shop around. Nevertherless I did enjoy myself… all the way up to 10pm when it was time to go back. That sort of snapped me back into reality and reminded me that I have to go to work the next day…geezzzzz… Darn!
Anyway, enough about work… Eeyore got a new job in Phileo… A job with much better pay and he’ll get to travel around South East Asia. It’s really great for him that he got a better offer and can travel out of Malaysia. However…. I just hope that he won’t be spending more time out of Malaysia compared to the time he’s in Malaysia….. I wonder when will it be my turn to have a job which does ‘useful’ things. I just really cannot stand my current job….I feel totally helpless and dumb doing this kind of job, and it’s classified something like Admin, Clerical job only.. Something which you don’t even need brains to do.
Again it’ll be the same thing… I feel like I’m the one being paid least among the 3 of us, but yet I am the one with most projects and most work to do and follow up. But I suppose, everything happens for a reason and God has it all planned out for us. I really do hope that all these happens for a reason, and I trust in Him that whatever is happening to me now, is just temporary and that there will be a pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow.
I really don’t know what I’m doing, my current job really sucks and it’s the kind of job you don’t have to have a Degree to do.. I feel like such a small fry and being belittled. But anyhow, at least in a way or another, all these kind of dumb things pay off in the end. At least I get paid monthly, and by doing more projects and working with more people I am announcing my presence to everyone and getting myself known.
Well, those about round up my feelings at the moment. Work stress mingled with Christmas mood. I went to Mid Valley to get rid of these negative charges I got from work and try to capture the Christmas mood and charge back some positive vibes. It did work for a while…the decorations, the time spent with Eeyore and my sis capturing photo’s.. But however, Eeyore was as usual late in fetching us and it didn’t leave us much time to walk around to window shop around. Nevertherless I did enjoy myself… all the way up to 10pm when it was time to go back. That sort of snapped me back into reality and reminded me that I have to go to work the next day…geezzzzz… Darn!
Anyway, enough about work… Eeyore got a new job in Phileo… A job with much better pay and he’ll get to travel around South East Asia. It’s really great for him that he got a better offer and can travel out of Malaysia. However…. I just hope that he won’t be spending more time out of Malaysia compared to the time he’s in Malaysia….. I wonder when will it be my turn to have a job which does ‘useful’ things. I just really cannot stand my current job….I feel totally helpless and dumb doing this kind of job, and it’s classified something like Admin, Clerical job only.. Something which you don’t even need brains to do.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Dilemma - Master's program
Masters program, or not to do masters program. Dilemma…. Tough decision.
Applications starts in December, and if I really wanna apply, I need to go get my Lecturer from uni and my supervisor from workplace to fill up a form for me and sort of assess me in it.. Man…jst to apply for a program, you need to go through all those things, Find it so troublesome.. Why can’t it jst be, filling up the form yrself, submit a few supporting documents, and that’s it!
I suppose there are many Pro’s and Con’s which I have to consider before I decide….
Pro’s
I suppose I really wanted to learn something. I am interested in Artificial Intelligence by itself…strikes me as very interesting, there’s a lot of secrets in it which has yet to reveal itself. It is for interest sake.
It will be cool also, if after I do my masters and I get myself a job as a lecturer. I get to continue doing researches, learn new things, attend seminars (like how I see my uni lecturer’s do), learn new things and the knowledge you get is un-replaceble.
The thought of leaving everything back here, jst drop everything and go off to someplace new (USM in Penang), seems very tempting. It’ll be a good chance for me to learn and experience it for myself how it feels to be living away from home. And a good chance for me to focus really on myself, what I want and be independent. Back home here, my attention is all very un-focused. I have my music school to think of, my work place, my family too mostly… There’s a lot responsibilities here. But if I were to go, I am able to let it all go, and jst be on myself. I get to do whatever I want, and a chance to feel what freedom is.
Con’s
As usual, if there are Pro’s, there’s always the Con’s too.
If I finish my masters in AI, I suppose the job prospect doesn’t give me much choice back here in Malaysia. The only option is towards the Academic field – Lecturing and Researching. That got me worried, if I dun get myself a job as a lecturer or a researcher, then what will I do? Start again from bottom like where I am now (a fresh Degree grad?) It will be wasting 1 year of time (of cos I get to gain knowledge in the field I want, but I do not get to apply it in this competitive corporate world), and have to start all over again to gain experience in this corporate world.
I know local uni’s fees is cheap, and way cheaper then oversea’s uni. But it is still money, about RM5k. If I can pay for my own education fees, what about my cost of living? If I were to go over to USM, Penang to do my masters, that means I won’t be getting side income from teaching piano here in SIM, and I won’t be able to support myself for 1 year (Based on how little saving’s I have now)
I have to also put aside everything I have back here. I’ll be apart from my family, friends and most importantly Eeyore. I know that sometime he pisses me off and pays absolutely no attention to me, but anyhow also I know that he is near by and if I really need him, I can reach him. But once I go over to a foreign place, I am all alone, and have to start making friends again.
I suppose the most important aspect which is holding me back now is financially and also leaving Eeyore behind. 1 Year is not a long period of time, neither is it short.
It will be really cool, like how Shivy took 1 year to go Holland, and how Kaman went Japan for the fun and experience of staying in a foreign country. Now I will be taking 1 year to venture and learn about things I like, AI, gain knowledge and after that will only decide how things goes and which career path I choose. However, financially, I cannot support myself. Emotionally, I cannot bring myself to leave him behind, and the thoughts of not being able to see him for weeks, months is killing me.
Applications starts in December, and if I really wanna apply, I need to go get my Lecturer from uni and my supervisor from workplace to fill up a form for me and sort of assess me in it.. Man…jst to apply for a program, you need to go through all those things, Find it so troublesome.. Why can’t it jst be, filling up the form yrself, submit a few supporting documents, and that’s it!
I suppose there are many Pro’s and Con’s which I have to consider before I decide….
Pro’s
I suppose I really wanted to learn something. I am interested in Artificial Intelligence by itself…strikes me as very interesting, there’s a lot of secrets in it which has yet to reveal itself. It is for interest sake.
It will be cool also, if after I do my masters and I get myself a job as a lecturer. I get to continue doing researches, learn new things, attend seminars (like how I see my uni lecturer’s do), learn new things and the knowledge you get is un-replaceble.
The thought of leaving everything back here, jst drop everything and go off to someplace new (USM in Penang), seems very tempting. It’ll be a good chance for me to learn and experience it for myself how it feels to be living away from home. And a good chance for me to focus really on myself, what I want and be independent. Back home here, my attention is all very un-focused. I have my music school to think of, my work place, my family too mostly… There’s a lot responsibilities here. But if I were to go, I am able to let it all go, and jst be on myself. I get to do whatever I want, and a chance to feel what freedom is.
Con’s
As usual, if there are Pro’s, there’s always the Con’s too.
If I finish my masters in AI, I suppose the job prospect doesn’t give me much choice back here in Malaysia. The only option is towards the Academic field – Lecturing and Researching. That got me worried, if I dun get myself a job as a lecturer or a researcher, then what will I do? Start again from bottom like where I am now (a fresh Degree grad?) It will be wasting 1 year of time (of cos I get to gain knowledge in the field I want, but I do not get to apply it in this competitive corporate world), and have to start all over again to gain experience in this corporate world.
I know local uni’s fees is cheap, and way cheaper then oversea’s uni. But it is still money, about RM5k. If I can pay for my own education fees, what about my cost of living? If I were to go over to USM, Penang to do my masters, that means I won’t be getting side income from teaching piano here in SIM, and I won’t be able to support myself for 1 year (Based on how little saving’s I have now)
I have to also put aside everything I have back here. I’ll be apart from my family, friends and most importantly Eeyore. I know that sometime he pisses me off and pays absolutely no attention to me, but anyhow also I know that he is near by and if I really need him, I can reach him. But once I go over to a foreign place, I am all alone, and have to start making friends again.
I suppose the most important aspect which is holding me back now is financially and also leaving Eeyore behind. 1 Year is not a long period of time, neither is it short.
It will be really cool, like how Shivy took 1 year to go Holland, and how Kaman went Japan for the fun and experience of staying in a foreign country. Now I will be taking 1 year to venture and learn about things I like, AI, gain knowledge and after that will only decide how things goes and which career path I choose. However, financially, I cannot support myself. Emotionally, I cannot bring myself to leave him behind, and the thoughts of not being able to see him for weeks, months is killing me.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Beauty..physical or indepth?
Beautiful.. Is physical beauty more important then indepth beauty?
Many of us will view physical beauty as a more important aspect when it comes to choosing their partner's. Afterall, physical beauty is everything which gives a first impression to people who meets you.
Initially of cos, and until now i still do believe that indepth beauty is more important and it outshines physical beauty. However it amazes me when I have a chat with a couple of people who will choose physical looks more. That i have come to conclude, maybe most people out there also will be the same and choose physical beauty first. Afterall, who won't want to be seen with a handsome bf or a pretty gf with them? Of cos there is no right or wrong, everyone is free to make their own choice.
I mean, it is very true that these days, with good looks, good body, good clothes, good way of speaking and a little bit of common sence is enough to pull you through an interview and get you a good job. It is just a fact of life...that If two ladies were to go for an interview, both with same qualification, but one of them is pretty with a good figure to go with it wherelse the other is more plain looking and not so shapey, the prettier lady is more likely to secure the job.
I have met people, who turn down girls/guys because they are not pretty/handsome. They don't even give themselves a chance to get to know them.
I have also met guys and girls, who may not be classified as pretty, or handsome. But I do know them personally and in person, they have the best personality anyone could ever have. Such great people, they are the type who would do anything for you and they are the nicest people anyone could meet. But jst bcos they are slightly overweight, and not as attractive as other people, they have difficulties in meeting people who will love them for who they are.
I feel that we shouldn't discrimate a person for how she/he looks. We should allow ourselve to get to know them for who they really are, and not jst for their looks. Else, it is unfair.
Guess, sometimes it is jst human nature. I sometimes tell myself too, perhaps if I'm prettier, or if I look sexier, then my bf will pay more attention to me. But then again, physical beauty does not last long. People age, and the body will age too. Does that mean that when I grow old, and get wrinkles, go all fat and ugly my husband will lose interest in me? That's perhaps so also...else why is there such thing call prostitution which guys go for? The young girl's body will always be in full supply in that area call prostitution. So even if guys age old, and their wife's body is no longer as appealing then how it used to, prostitution is where they can get younger bodies.
I suppose I don't really know what I'm typing in here either. I'm sitting in office and feeling sleepy.
Facts of life.
I have just came to learn from my bf also, that it is facts of life that after some time of being in a relationship, guys will lose interest and tend to drift away. They will give u less attention, miss u less, talk to u less and see u less often. That is the time when girls like myself feel the need to move on to find someone else who could giv us the attention we want so we would feel appreciated and loved. Then it will happen all over again, and when will the cycle end? As of my last posting...I suppose, I just haven't found 'the one', and also I am perhaps just not 'the one' for him.
Many of us will view physical beauty as a more important aspect when it comes to choosing their partner's. Afterall, physical beauty is everything which gives a first impression to people who meets you.
Initially of cos, and until now i still do believe that indepth beauty is more important and it outshines physical beauty. However it amazes me when I have a chat with a couple of people who will choose physical looks more. That i have come to conclude, maybe most people out there also will be the same and choose physical beauty first. Afterall, who won't want to be seen with a handsome bf or a pretty gf with them? Of cos there is no right or wrong, everyone is free to make their own choice.
I mean, it is very true that these days, with good looks, good body, good clothes, good way of speaking and a little bit of common sence is enough to pull you through an interview and get you a good job. It is just a fact of life...that If two ladies were to go for an interview, both with same qualification, but one of them is pretty with a good figure to go with it wherelse the other is more plain looking and not so shapey, the prettier lady is more likely to secure the job.
I have met people, who turn down girls/guys because they are not pretty/handsome. They don't even give themselves a chance to get to know them.
I have also met guys and girls, who may not be classified as pretty, or handsome. But I do know them personally and in person, they have the best personality anyone could ever have. Such great people, they are the type who would do anything for you and they are the nicest people anyone could meet. But jst bcos they are slightly overweight, and not as attractive as other people, they have difficulties in meeting people who will love them for who they are.
I feel that we shouldn't discrimate a person for how she/he looks. We should allow ourselve to get to know them for who they really are, and not jst for their looks. Else, it is unfair.
Guess, sometimes it is jst human nature. I sometimes tell myself too, perhaps if I'm prettier, or if I look sexier, then my bf will pay more attention to me. But then again, physical beauty does not last long. People age, and the body will age too. Does that mean that when I grow old, and get wrinkles, go all fat and ugly my husband will lose interest in me? That's perhaps so also...else why is there such thing call prostitution which guys go for? The young girl's body will always be in full supply in that area call prostitution. So even if guys age old, and their wife's body is no longer as appealing then how it used to, prostitution is where they can get younger bodies.
I suppose I don't really know what I'm typing in here either. I'm sitting in office and feeling sleepy.
Facts of life.
I have just came to learn from my bf also, that it is facts of life that after some time of being in a relationship, guys will lose interest and tend to drift away. They will give u less attention, miss u less, talk to u less and see u less often. That is the time when girls like myself feel the need to move on to find someone else who could giv us the attention we want so we would feel appreciated and loved. Then it will happen all over again, and when will the cycle end? As of my last posting...I suppose, I just haven't found 'the one', and also I am perhaps just not 'the one' for him.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Friendship and Relationship
In search for 'the ONE'. Some conversation I had today with few of my friends. All in the search for 'the ONE'... and 'the ONE' has not shown up yet.
Does such thing ever exist? Will there actually be a special someone who will steal yr heart, sweep you off yr feet, and you can claim that he is 'the ONE'. Or will it be like the story that you go on with your whole life searching and searching for a Perfect one... Kept thinking that there's a better one ahead, and in the end, end up with nothing? There's a story that goes with it....
A little boy was told to go out into the field to search for the prettiest flower and bring it back home, with the condition that he can only go forward, and cannot turn backwards to pluck any flower which he has already walked past. As he goes out into the field, he comes across some pretty flowers, but kept thinking that there will be prettier flowers still lying ahead of him waiting for him, he kept going. So he goes on and on, without plucking any flowers, in hope that there will be prettier flowers ahead. Until he reach the fench surrounding the field, he still hasn't plucked any flower and he returned home empty handed. He has missed the chance to get the pretty flowers from the field, as he kept thinking that there are better ones ahead. But in the end, he missed all the chances he had and came back with nothing.
Like the story, I'm beginning to feel like I'm a flower in the field, and this little boy picked me up. This is a different boy, a lazy boy who doesn't bother walking furthur into the field in search for a beautiful flower. He jst plucked the first flower he see's, and brings that home. Regardless if the flower likes it or not, regardless if the flower is stored in a proper place, and regardless if it's happy or not.
Anyway, I somehow feel like I'm heading towards another disaster in relationship...again!. I'm probably not meant for all this.
Back to what my title says, Friendship and Relationships. The one thing which I will always live to regret, is that I never really had proper friendship first, before the relationship comes in. I have came to learn that it is during the Friendship stage which you will learn most about the other party. As friends we can be open with each other, understanding each other needs andeverything. In a relationship, it truely depends. When I kept to myself, revealing so little truth about myself, I felt it was unfair and it caused strains to the relationship that I was always lying and not being honest. When I decide to be open up and tell the truth about everything, I do not get back the same treatment from the other person who is hiding away from me, and it's causing me to hide back into my shell. End of the day, thick solid brick walls, cemented up high high up into the ceiling has been built in between. Ain't this heading towards disaster...again?
Yin Yang, positive negative. I dun really understand how it works sometimes. When there is someone who plucks the moon for me and gives me the world, I fail to appreciate and fail to give him back what he gave me. The person whom I pluck the stars for and give the world too, takes me as invinsible and only comes looking for me when he is bored and in need of a company.
To conclude, I believe that friendship should be the foundation for any relationship. If it is a strong foundation, more likely the relationship will work out.
One thing which I am always very glad of, is that every relationship teaches u a lesson and you will learn much from it. It's also a miracle that from couples, we became enemies by not speaking to each other, to becoming friends again, and now good friends who can really talk about anything at all. More open to each other compared to me and my bf now. It's really good to have friends like this, who understands u, knows yr bad points and holds u back before u go errupt up in front of other ppl.
For me at this moment, I wasn't given enough time to build a strong friendship foundation before the relationship. When it has reached the stage of what it has become now... Tat the only thing we talk about is "what u doing", and sometimes we don't even talk at all. That he cannot open up to me and tell me how is his day, what he's thinking, how's everything. That he no longer bothers to ask me how am i, if I am ok. Yells at me when I take his hp. That he can leave me to get myself back from Bangsar, and even when I vomitted or said I'm not well he couldn't even offer a hug or a kind word other then jst standing there and laughing at me. When go jogging up the hill late evening when they sky is already dark, I feel uncomfortable walking there in the dark and I was frightened. Instead of jst holding my hands to let me feel assured, he tries to run away or talks more nonsence to trigger my anxiety even more.
The sense of 'security', the feeling of being taken care off, the knowledge that even if the sky falls down he'll be there to keep u safe is not there.
Of cos, I know, as when I told my friend this, he said I was being demanding. But on a girls standpoint of view, I don't view myself as being demanding. It is jst why during courtship you can care about the girl, do nice things for her, calls her, talks to her, listen to her, and make her feel appreciated and love. But after some time, guys jst dun bother doing all this anymore. I don't demand for extra attention which was never given to me before. I jst want everything to remain like how it used to be.
Of cos, in the beginning I asked what will happen to us in the future, he will always have smart and good answers for me. If i were to ask that now, he will answer things that he don't know and not sure. It makes the relationship more rocky and unstable as it is already now.
Does such thing ever exist? Will there actually be a special someone who will steal yr heart, sweep you off yr feet, and you can claim that he is 'the ONE'. Or will it be like the story that you go on with your whole life searching and searching for a Perfect one... Kept thinking that there's a better one ahead, and in the end, end up with nothing? There's a story that goes with it....
A little boy was told to go out into the field to search for the prettiest flower and bring it back home, with the condition that he can only go forward, and cannot turn backwards to pluck any flower which he has already walked past. As he goes out into the field, he comes across some pretty flowers, but kept thinking that there will be prettier flowers still lying ahead of him waiting for him, he kept going. So he goes on and on, without plucking any flowers, in hope that there will be prettier flowers ahead. Until he reach the fench surrounding the field, he still hasn't plucked any flower and he returned home empty handed. He has missed the chance to get the pretty flowers from the field, as he kept thinking that there are better ones ahead. But in the end, he missed all the chances he had and came back with nothing.
Like the story, I'm beginning to feel like I'm a flower in the field, and this little boy picked me up. This is a different boy, a lazy boy who doesn't bother walking furthur into the field in search for a beautiful flower. He jst plucked the first flower he see's, and brings that home. Regardless if the flower likes it or not, regardless if the flower is stored in a proper place, and regardless if it's happy or not.
Anyway, I somehow feel like I'm heading towards another disaster in relationship...again!. I'm probably not meant for all this.
Back to what my title says, Friendship and Relationships. The one thing which I will always live to regret, is that I never really had proper friendship first, before the relationship comes in. I have came to learn that it is during the Friendship stage which you will learn most about the other party. As friends we can be open with each other, understanding each other needs andeverything. In a relationship, it truely depends. When I kept to myself, revealing so little truth about myself, I felt it was unfair and it caused strains to the relationship that I was always lying and not being honest. When I decide to be open up and tell the truth about everything, I do not get back the same treatment from the other person who is hiding away from me, and it's causing me to hide back into my shell. End of the day, thick solid brick walls, cemented up high high up into the ceiling has been built in between. Ain't this heading towards disaster...again?
Yin Yang, positive negative. I dun really understand how it works sometimes. When there is someone who plucks the moon for me and gives me the world, I fail to appreciate and fail to give him back what he gave me. The person whom I pluck the stars for and give the world too, takes me as invinsible and only comes looking for me when he is bored and in need of a company.
To conclude, I believe that friendship should be the foundation for any relationship. If it is a strong foundation, more likely the relationship will work out.
One thing which I am always very glad of, is that every relationship teaches u a lesson and you will learn much from it. It's also a miracle that from couples, we became enemies by not speaking to each other, to becoming friends again, and now good friends who can really talk about anything at all. More open to each other compared to me and my bf now. It's really good to have friends like this, who understands u, knows yr bad points and holds u back before u go errupt up in front of other ppl.
For me at this moment, I wasn't given enough time to build a strong friendship foundation before the relationship. When it has reached the stage of what it has become now... Tat the only thing we talk about is "what u doing", and sometimes we don't even talk at all. That he cannot open up to me and tell me how is his day, what he's thinking, how's everything. That he no longer bothers to ask me how am i, if I am ok. Yells at me when I take his hp. That he can leave me to get myself back from Bangsar, and even when I vomitted or said I'm not well he couldn't even offer a hug or a kind word other then jst standing there and laughing at me. When go jogging up the hill late evening when they sky is already dark, I feel uncomfortable walking there in the dark and I was frightened. Instead of jst holding my hands to let me feel assured, he tries to run away or talks more nonsence to trigger my anxiety even more.
The sense of 'security', the feeling of being taken care off, the knowledge that even if the sky falls down he'll be there to keep u safe is not there.
Of cos, I know, as when I told my friend this, he said I was being demanding. But on a girls standpoint of view, I don't view myself as being demanding. It is jst why during courtship you can care about the girl, do nice things for her, calls her, talks to her, listen to her, and make her feel appreciated and love. But after some time, guys jst dun bother doing all this anymore. I don't demand for extra attention which was never given to me before. I jst want everything to remain like how it used to be.
Of cos, in the beginning I asked what will happen to us in the future, he will always have smart and good answers for me. If i were to ask that now, he will answer things that he don't know and not sure. It makes the relationship more rocky and unstable as it is already now.
Friday, October 14, 2005
It's all in the Mind...
Doesn't everyone agree that the mind is a powerful thing. It controls yr feelings, yr movements, yr reaction, it controls everything.
When u decide to feel good, everything will be great. Feelings... It's a normal phrase for ppl to say "I cannot control my feelings". But what control your feelings? Your mind does it. It is all in the mind. Mind controls yr feelings, and not the other way around.
My piano exam due soon, early December. My old teacher will use to take weeks before my exam to psycho me and teach me psychology, making me realize things which I never realized before, dealing with feelings, and your mind. It's basicly all a mind game.
I have now around 1 month plus, to search myself and to understand my feelings and be able to control it and let the best shine during that fourty five minutes of my exam. As a good piansist never let her emotions show when she plays. The only emotions shown is the emotion portrayed and written by the composer's. Meaning to say, even though she is heartbroken, she should be able to play a very lively and cheerful piece, and making it sound ultimately happy, hiding her true emotions.
If i can control my feelings, as needed for my piano playing, doesn't that make me seem 'fake'. So that whenever i wish, i can control my feelings, and not let my real feelings show. Is that something good, or bad? A point to ponder. Does that mean all musician are 'fake' people who dun show their true emotions?
Jazz players who plays music so romantic, laid back, sweet, relaxing does that make them romantic, happy go lucky, and laid back as a person or is it all jst a show when they r performing?
I have yet to master this skill.. Time will tell, esp when my results of my piano exam is released.
When u decide to feel good, everything will be great. Feelings... It's a normal phrase for ppl to say "I cannot control my feelings". But what control your feelings? Your mind does it. It is all in the mind. Mind controls yr feelings, and not the other way around.
My piano exam due soon, early December. My old teacher will use to take weeks before my exam to psycho me and teach me psychology, making me realize things which I never realized before, dealing with feelings, and your mind. It's basicly all a mind game.
I have now around 1 month plus, to search myself and to understand my feelings and be able to control it and let the best shine during that fourty five minutes of my exam. As a good piansist never let her emotions show when she plays. The only emotions shown is the emotion portrayed and written by the composer's. Meaning to say, even though she is heartbroken, she should be able to play a very lively and cheerful piece, and making it sound ultimately happy, hiding her true emotions.
If i can control my feelings, as needed for my piano playing, doesn't that make me seem 'fake'. So that whenever i wish, i can control my feelings, and not let my real feelings show. Is that something good, or bad? A point to ponder. Does that mean all musician are 'fake' people who dun show their true emotions?
Jazz players who plays music so romantic, laid back, sweet, relaxing does that make them romantic, happy go lucky, and laid back as a person or is it all jst a show when they r performing?
I have yet to master this skill.. Time will tell, esp when my results of my piano exam is released.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Mooncake Festival
Mooncake Festival is here again.. This year somehow, there seems to be lesser 'mooncake festival' excitement in the air. In the past, esp when I was still little, I remembered that there were loads of lanterns on sale in most of the shops...Lanterns of all sort of size and shapes and patterns. But these days, sad enough to say, barely were there shops selling lanterns. Those lanterns used in my days, with cartoon characters are no longer seen these days. Lanterns also got modernization, it's been upgraded to those battery operated and those which has music. It's only either those battery operated lantern, or the paper one. Don't see much of the old type of lantern made of transparent coloured paper with cartoon characters.
I've spend my mooncake festival day very interestingly. Day time was spent with my sis and mom shopping. After doing grocery shopping, we went shopping. Bought books, something to play with, and bought a dress which I just couldn't resisit not buying it cos I tot it looked nice. Including lunch also, all in it, I've spent close to RM300 - 400 in one day..including for my mom and sis too.
Evening time, we departed for Seremban to have dinner with my granny. My little cousins there are growing up fast, and they don't play with lanterns or candles anymore. I still remember few years back, we used to light up my granny's whole porch with candles or hanging the lantern there. Not tonight though, but nevertherless Me, my sis, and my cousin still carried the lantern and walked 1 round nearby the hse and came back.
Not much of the festive mood in the air. But nevertherless when we got back to PJ, to my delight I saw some of the houses in my neighboorhood's porch nicely and brightly lit up with candles and lanterns hanging around. It's just nice to look at.
It's so nice if we could play with lanterns and candles again.... Regret that I didn't do it. Anyway, feeling tired to do so now also.
I've spend my mooncake festival day very interestingly. Day time was spent with my sis and mom shopping. After doing grocery shopping, we went shopping. Bought books, something to play with, and bought a dress which I just couldn't resisit not buying it cos I tot it looked nice. Including lunch also, all in it, I've spent close to RM300 - 400 in one day..including for my mom and sis too.
Evening time, we departed for Seremban to have dinner with my granny. My little cousins there are growing up fast, and they don't play with lanterns or candles anymore. I still remember few years back, we used to light up my granny's whole porch with candles or hanging the lantern there. Not tonight though, but nevertherless Me, my sis, and my cousin still carried the lantern and walked 1 round nearby the hse and came back.
Not much of the festive mood in the air. But nevertherless when we got back to PJ, to my delight I saw some of the houses in my neighboorhood's porch nicely and brightly lit up with candles and lanterns hanging around. It's just nice to look at.
It's so nice if we could play with lanterns and candles again.... Regret that I didn't do it. Anyway, feeling tired to do so now also.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Sick with work
I shall summarize what has been going on for the past week in this blog. In short to say, I'm beginning to feel unhappy with my job. I've gotten it from people sending emails to the whole wide world indirecting saying I didn't do my job properly. I've got people almost shouting at me for not following up my work. So many others complain about my job.
Yesterday I was down with fever, but yet went to work in the morning to finish up my job. By noon my job wasn't 100% complete, but it was near complete. I just emailed my portion out and leave it to others to finalize and touch up on it. Went and see doctor after that, took medicine, took MC hid myself, and slept the noon away. Funny enough, today went to work one of my senior colleague was concerned enough to come and ask how I was feeling. Even joked to my other supervisor no.2 not to drown me with too much work else I will just take MC suddenly and leave him stranded. From what I gathered, yesterday after I took my MC that left my supervisor no.1 stuck. According to my colleague sitting beside me, my supervisor no.1 had on a tired and annoyed look on her face the whole noon after I went to hide and sleep. I suppose that she must have complained to my senior colleague, that's why he made such statement. However, whatever it is...I don't really care. I really couldn't work yesterday noon as I was aching all over and I have all the rights in the world to take MC and go rest.
Anyway, Eeyore had been really sweet to me yesterday for taking care of me. He kept me company to see a doctor (which I probably won't have gone at all if I was alone). At one point, he fed me porridge, as though I don't have hands to eat myself. And at this point of time, I just wanna say that he is the best'lar. He had been awfully sweet and charming lately, letting me go my ways.
Yesterday I was down with fever, but yet went to work in the morning to finish up my job. By noon my job wasn't 100% complete, but it was near complete. I just emailed my portion out and leave it to others to finalize and touch up on it. Went and see doctor after that, took medicine, took MC hid myself, and slept the noon away. Funny enough, today went to work one of my senior colleague was concerned enough to come and ask how I was feeling. Even joked to my other supervisor no.2 not to drown me with too much work else I will just take MC suddenly and leave him stranded. From what I gathered, yesterday after I took my MC that left my supervisor no.1 stuck. According to my colleague sitting beside me, my supervisor no.1 had on a tired and annoyed look on her face the whole noon after I went to hide and sleep. I suppose that she must have complained to my senior colleague, that's why he made such statement. However, whatever it is...I don't really care. I really couldn't work yesterday noon as I was aching all over and I have all the rights in the world to take MC and go rest.
Anyway, Eeyore had been really sweet to me yesterday for taking care of me. He kept me company to see a doctor (which I probably won't have gone at all if I was alone). At one point, he fed me porridge, as though I don't have hands to eat myself. And at this point of time, I just wanna say that he is the best'lar. He had been awfully sweet and charming lately, letting me go my ways.
Wedding Date and Salsa
I've watched Wedding Data few days ago..actually it's 1 week ago. And well... it was a nice short romantic movie, but makes me wonder if in real life does things work that way? Meet a guy, and in few days time fall so deeply in love with him and get married. But the Michael Buble song, "Home" was fantastic though...
Another show I liked which I watched on TV few days ago also...cannot remember the title of the movie though. About a girl, who was already engaged and she joined Salsa lesson. Fell in love with the dance instructor and ran away from her wedding to join this salsa dance instructor. I liked the movie because of the Salsa dancing in it.. It had been fun taking salsa lessons and dancing, esp when your partner is good at leading you and you just got to follow his lead. But somehow, I enjoyed myself watching people dance salsa... But I guess it's different when it comes to I myself dancing to it. Guess I didn't like the idea that as a girl you always have to follow yr partner's lead. You won't know what he's gonna do next and you have to be prepared and quick enough to respond to his lead. I don't like the idea of not knowing what will happen next, and the idea that I have absolutely no control at all over the dance. I suppose it just rounds up to the conclusion that I just didn't like the idea of not being able to take control at all. It would be fun to have a partner to dance with also... if and only if we could take turns taking lead. haha
Another show I liked which I watched on TV few days ago also...cannot remember the title of the movie though. About a girl, who was already engaged and she joined Salsa lesson. Fell in love with the dance instructor and ran away from her wedding to join this salsa dance instructor. I liked the movie because of the Salsa dancing in it.. It had been fun taking salsa lessons and dancing, esp when your partner is good at leading you and you just got to follow his lead. But somehow, I enjoyed myself watching people dance salsa... But I guess it's different when it comes to I myself dancing to it. Guess I didn't like the idea that as a girl you always have to follow yr partner's lead. You won't know what he's gonna do next and you have to be prepared and quick enough to respond to his lead. I don't like the idea of not knowing what will happen next, and the idea that I have absolutely no control at all over the dance. I suppose it just rounds up to the conclusion that I just didn't like the idea of not being able to take control at all. It would be fun to have a partner to dance with also... if and only if we could take turns taking lead. haha
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Tipsy Turvy
Tipsy Turvy... Don't know who actually reads my blog, But just wanna say thank you for all the wonderful friends I have around me.
Alot of things which I do not understand seems to be spinning around me. Amazing how after I have done some nasty things to an old buddy, he still forgives me and still is such a good buddy now to me. From what we have gone through, he has indeed taught me alot and I have learnt alot.
But no matter what he teaches me, it will never teach me how to understand a man. Something which I never seemed to learn also... which is to "never give 100% into a relationship". Stupid enough that I can give that sort of advise to other people, but I myself go do dum things.
Again and again, the same thing happens, the same cycle, the same process.. Sigh.. Awfully tired now. I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want to give up, and I don't want to repeat the cycle anymore either. .Somehow after donating blood yesterday, I've started feeling dizzy. In addition to my insomnia of not being able to sleep last nite, I feel like a dead log right now.
I really appreciate my friends around me..there are always there for me no matter what.. My amazing dear buddy (if u are reading this, u'll know who u are). Thank u peitze and alex for keeping me company and somehow i feel more cheered up after hanging out wit you guys just now for mamak. Really wish all of us could live in our own virtual land, create our own lives and all..like playing SIMS.
Alot of things which I do not understand seems to be spinning around me. Amazing how after I have done some nasty things to an old buddy, he still forgives me and still is such a good buddy now to me. From what we have gone through, he has indeed taught me alot and I have learnt alot.
But no matter what he teaches me, it will never teach me how to understand a man. Something which I never seemed to learn also... which is to "never give 100% into a relationship". Stupid enough that I can give that sort of advise to other people, but I myself go do dum things.
Again and again, the same thing happens, the same cycle, the same process.. Sigh.. Awfully tired now. I don't want to fight anymore, I don't want to give up, and I don't want to repeat the cycle anymore either. .Somehow after donating blood yesterday, I've started feeling dizzy. In addition to my insomnia of not being able to sleep last nite, I feel like a dead log right now.
I really appreciate my friends around me..there are always there for me no matter what.. My amazing dear buddy (if u are reading this, u'll know who u are). Thank u peitze and alex for keeping me company and somehow i feel more cheered up after hanging out wit you guys just now for mamak. Really wish all of us could live in our own virtual land, create our own lives and all..like playing SIMS.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I wonder...
I wonder.... why am I working at such position in such company... It's not any kind of job which I ever had in mind. It's like... I don't feel like I'm learning anything here. I came in with 0 knowledge, and still staying at bar 0. Only difference it made is that I have met new friends there. Is there a reason why God allowed me to work in here?
I wonder... If I should quit teaching, and start picking up something else. Something which I can learn from instead...like maybe pursueing my Masters. But then again..masters in what?
I wonder... why isn't there a sombody who would be here with me, listen to me, share with me, and offer me advise when I need it most?
I wonder... why teacher never thought their students about appreciation?
I wonder...why is it that I feel my existance on earth doesn't make any difference to anybody at all? Not at work, neither with Hypo. With or without me, life goes on as usual for him. Sometimes I really wonder what is my "Scope of Work" - terminology frequently used in work place. Maybe my "validity period" has already expired and that's why nobody seems bothered bout me anymore. He has been away for so long, and there's absolutely nothing he has to talk to me...comes up with all the excuses that he wanna watch tv, send email, study etc etc, that he cannot talk to me. But turns out in the end, he goes talk to other ppl. Nothing to talk to me, but so much to talk to others. Most geram part huh... is when I don't online at all, he will call me to online (like wat he did in spore), BUT, he won't talk to me AT ALL. Have anyone ever met any donkeys like that huh?
I wonder.... why do I feels like a stranger now pulak. Talking nonsence over the net, and not really what I wanna talk about.
I wonder... what am I gonna do with my future? I really wanna learn something...i really need advise.
I wonder... why do I feel like someone has just dug a deep deep hole and burried me inside it.
At times like this...I really miss alot of things in life. Times when u call up yr buddies anytime of the day and talk about anything under the sun (this I noticed, is not valid anymore when u r in a relationship. I haven't had any actual talk with him for ages.)
I wonder...why do I feel like crying now for no reasons. I guess I just miss the feeling of being loved and feel appreciated
I wonder... If I should quit teaching, and start picking up something else. Something which I can learn from instead...like maybe pursueing my Masters. But then again..masters in what?
I wonder... why isn't there a sombody who would be here with me, listen to me, share with me, and offer me advise when I need it most?
I wonder... why teacher never thought their students about appreciation?
I wonder...why is it that I feel my existance on earth doesn't make any difference to anybody at all? Not at work, neither with Hypo. With or without me, life goes on as usual for him. Sometimes I really wonder what is my "Scope of Work" - terminology frequently used in work place. Maybe my "validity period" has already expired and that's why nobody seems bothered bout me anymore. He has been away for so long, and there's absolutely nothing he has to talk to me...comes up with all the excuses that he wanna watch tv, send email, study etc etc, that he cannot talk to me. But turns out in the end, he goes talk to other ppl. Nothing to talk to me, but so much to talk to others. Most geram part huh... is when I don't online at all, he will call me to online (like wat he did in spore), BUT, he won't talk to me AT ALL. Have anyone ever met any donkeys like that huh?
I wonder.... why do I feels like a stranger now pulak. Talking nonsence over the net, and not really what I wanna talk about.
I wonder... what am I gonna do with my future? I really wanna learn something...i really need advise.
I wonder... why do I feel like someone has just dug a deep deep hole and burried me inside it.
At times like this...I really miss alot of things in life. Times when u call up yr buddies anytime of the day and talk about anything under the sun (this I noticed, is not valid anymore when u r in a relationship. I haven't had any actual talk with him for ages.)
I wonder...why do I feel like crying now for no reasons. I guess I just miss the feeling of being loved and feel appreciated
Friday, August 19, 2005
Exhaustion...
It's been rather exhausted this few days. Good thing is that I still get to go home early bout 7pm plus.... but working days is really exhausted. Handling so many different new proposals, and at the same time following up with so many other proposals is really confusing and killing.
My Hypo has left me and gone to Singapore. I haven't seen him for a whole week already, and now entering the 2nd week. I miss him....
It wasn't a good day for my piano lesson this evening either. I was purely exhausted and felt like sleeping on the chair there itself. Of cos, i didn't play well..Just feel so tired.
Just hang up phone with Hypo. He got annoyed with me before I got annoyed with him. He huh, go all the way to spore don't know how to activate his hp roaming 1. He hung up the phone on me just now somemore. = I don't get any access to call him when he is there in spore, and yet he hangs up the phone on me.
Work itself is mad. But ppl in work place...guess there are some nice people around and some really annoying people around also. Get so bengang with some people today that I feel like strangling them, as their request just doesn't seem to make any sense at all. Like they purposely wanna make life miserable for everyone only.
Guess I'm really exhausted and everything just seems so annoying. Time to go get some sleep.... Wanna go for a swim tomorrow also to relax, need to go find a partner first. Nites!
My Hypo has left me and gone to Singapore. I haven't seen him for a whole week already, and now entering the 2nd week. I miss him....
It wasn't a good day for my piano lesson this evening either. I was purely exhausted and felt like sleeping on the chair there itself. Of cos, i didn't play well..Just feel so tired.
Just hang up phone with Hypo. He got annoyed with me before I got annoyed with him. He huh, go all the way to spore don't know how to activate his hp roaming 1. He hung up the phone on me just now somemore. = I don't get any access to call him when he is there in spore, and yet he hangs up the phone on me.
Work itself is mad. But ppl in work place...guess there are some nice people around and some really annoying people around also. Get so bengang with some people today that I feel like strangling them, as their request just doesn't seem to make any sense at all. Like they purposely wanna make life miserable for everyone only.
Guess I'm really exhausted and everything just seems so annoying. Time to go get some sleep.... Wanna go for a swim tomorrow also to relax, need to go find a partner first. Nites!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
2005 Convocation Ceremony
I have finally graduated.... Another milestone in my life. It had been rather tiring wearing that heavy and hot robe, but overall it had been fun. Really glad that the haze cleared up in time for my convo =>
Kinda sad and already start missing my friends. But I guess..... Oh well...life goes on. Just a brief summary of what happened this 2days.
13th August 2005 - Convocation day.
Woke up very early at 7.30am, had to start practicing my piano (didn't touch my piano at all the whole week) and prepared for my 8.30am class in TTDI. After class still have to go teach a student in SS2 for half hour. Went back home for a quick lunch about 11+am, then headed to Shan wan's house to get changed. I have absolutely no idea how the 'selendang' has to be worn, and really thank goodness for shan wan and her sis, I managed to get myself dressed.
After both of us got dressed, we headed to UM about 1+pm (later then what we expected), Vincent being our escort. Went and stand in our lines in Bangunan Peperiksaan, and later proceeded to walk to the Dewan Tunku Cancellor (DTC) about 2pm. From then onwards, we had to sit and wait...and wait...and wait.. The gown is humoungous, and the seating place is all very close together. With our hat somemore on our head, we can't move around much in our seats, else we'll start hitting the person beside us.
At 3pm, the VIP arrived and the ceremony begins. The whole ceremony only ended about 6pm. It was soooo packed outside, alot of my friends couldn't find their family. Yung Fei is one of them who actually 'lost' his parents. I was lucky enough that I manage to find my parents right after I came out of the hall. Found my parents but not my bf...bengang betul as I kept calling him and it's always either the call didn't get thru, or he jst didn't pick up. He bought me a new HP for my convo, it's a Sony Ericsson.
Anyway, after gathering everyone, went and take photo's etc etc. After everything is over, my family and I went for dinner at Victoria Station. Hypo Andrew didn't join, as he wanted to watch his football and his stomach was still stuffed with the Oyster's he had the night before. Came home exhausted, and went straight to bed.
14th August 2005 (Sunday)
Woke up about 9am, then together with my brother, we went down to Seremban to pick up my granny and my aunt. Brought them back to PJ, and along the way picked up my other granny from Jln Klang Lama.
12something in the afternoon, we went to the studio in Sunway to get our photo's taken. Spent 1 hour plus there smilling at the camera and boy was it tiring! After that went for vegetarian lunch and sent my grandma back home in Jln Klang Lama. From there, we headed back to UM to collect my photo's there and snap more pictures around there.
That's about it...and now i'm really sleepy.. time for bed. *groan* Back to work again tomorrow... *sigh*
Kinda sad and already start missing my friends. But I guess..... Oh well...life goes on. Just a brief summary of what happened this 2days.
13th August 2005 - Convocation day.
Woke up very early at 7.30am, had to start practicing my piano (didn't touch my piano at all the whole week) and prepared for my 8.30am class in TTDI. After class still have to go teach a student in SS2 for half hour. Went back home for a quick lunch about 11+am, then headed to Shan wan's house to get changed. I have absolutely no idea how the 'selendang' has to be worn, and really thank goodness for shan wan and her sis, I managed to get myself dressed.
After both of us got dressed, we headed to UM about 1+pm (later then what we expected), Vincent being our escort. Went and stand in our lines in Bangunan Peperiksaan, and later proceeded to walk to the Dewan Tunku Cancellor (DTC) about 2pm. From then onwards, we had to sit and wait...and wait...and wait.. The gown is humoungous, and the seating place is all very close together. With our hat somemore on our head, we can't move around much in our seats, else we'll start hitting the person beside us.
At 3pm, the VIP arrived and the ceremony begins. The whole ceremony only ended about 6pm. It was soooo packed outside, alot of my friends couldn't find their family. Yung Fei is one of them who actually 'lost' his parents. I was lucky enough that I manage to find my parents right after I came out of the hall. Found my parents but not my bf...bengang betul as I kept calling him and it's always either the call didn't get thru, or he jst didn't pick up. He bought me a new HP for my convo, it's a Sony Ericsson.
Anyway, after gathering everyone, went and take photo's etc etc. After everything is over, my family and I went for dinner at Victoria Station. Hypo Andrew didn't join, as he wanted to watch his football and his stomach was still stuffed with the Oyster's he had the night before. Came home exhausted, and went straight to bed.
14th August 2005 (Sunday)
Woke up about 9am, then together with my brother, we went down to Seremban to pick up my granny and my aunt. Brought them back to PJ, and along the way picked up my other granny from Jln Klang Lama.
12something in the afternoon, we went to the studio in Sunway to get our photo's taken. Spent 1 hour plus there smilling at the camera and boy was it tiring! After that went for vegetarian lunch and sent my grandma back home in Jln Klang Lama. From there, we headed back to UM to collect my photo's there and snap more pictures around there.
That's about it...and now i'm really sleepy.. time for bed. *groan* Back to work again tomorrow... *sigh*
Monday, May 09, 2005
Winnie 23rd Birthday
23rd Bday
Friday (29th April)Another working day.. Today the day of my first proposal submission. Morning was hectic all the way, doing last minute changes to the document. At 11 something followed Eileen down to KL to submit the proposal, made it just in time. Dateline was 12 noon, and we managed to submit it 10minutes to 12 noon.
After the submission, went back to office and met up with Eeyore for lunch. We went over 1Utama to look at Timberland stuff first as according to Alexandra she said Timberland is having 70% discount off. We ate at that nice Italian restaurant in 1utama..Really filling lunch which left me feeling extremely sleepy after that.
Whole noon was spent staring at the business case and trying to fill up the blanks. Actually the business case was filled in less then 1 hour, the rest was spent chasing ppl to send me info to fill it up, and waiting for people to be free to check through my stuff.
Went home at 6.30pm for dinner, and after that Andrew picked me up to go Salsa class. He seems super hyper tonight and seems to be in a very good mood to annoy me by teasing me the whole evening also. Ironically, after salsa, I had to go back to IBM to finish up some outstanding stuff which I did not complete by 6.30pm when I went back. Thank you to technology like a Thinkpad and wireless access, I was able to finish up the things in Andrew's car right downstairs IBM.
We were suppose to go find Alexis after that at 9plus. Went to Ampang, lost our way, cannot find Alexis and after a loooonnng drive, ended up in Ampant Point. Kononnya that place got a chinese live band also. But when we were there, got no band. Band only starts next week. So anyway, jst went there to makan first. On the way back, we managed to SEE alexis, hidden at the side of the building.. looks rather neat from the outside, cannot wait to actually go INSIDE there. As it was arleady late, we drove straight back to PJ.
That cuckoo Eeyore... we reached back PJ few minutes before midnight, and that clown insisted that we sit around in the car to wait till midnight. It was nice, and that he was the first to wish me right after the clock strike midnight. First time I have someone beside me on the eve of my bday wishing me happy birthday. hehe Like a countdown to my bday, never had that before. Usually it is just through the phone.
30th April 2005
As i ended up sleeping late again last nite, and sleeping late for the past few nights too, I woke up feeling grouchy and heavy headed. Started sneezing in the morning even before I went to SIM. I knew I needed a boast of strong coffee, and indeed, that coffee saved my day. As the day goes on, I began to feel better. I used Sarah's time to practise my piano pieces, and Kudalia didn't come, so I had a break to hav my lunch and rest a while. And right at the time when Kudalia is not around, Eeyore happens to come at that moment of my break with a cake. Goodness, a CAKE. Oh no... Anyway, so we had the cake. They sang for me, I made my wish, I cut the cake and distributed it. hahaha Believe it or not, my birthday cake, I had a BITE of it only. Got that bite off andrew's slice of cake. hahahha... forgot to save a piece for myself. Was enjoying myself by distributing the cakes out... felt great to be distributing the cake out to ppl to eat...esp my students who enjoys it really much.
After SIM, I had to rush to TTDI for my piano lesson. That didn't go well, as expected. I haven't been practisin, and it did feel really very rusty when i started to play. Really need to schedule time to practise my piano, else everything is going to go to a waste.
After class, i went back to SS2 to pick mom up. Went back home, bath and all, then went to bangsar with my family for steamboat at Cocoa restaurant. Pretty expensive,RM190 for 5 of us, including a jug of calsberg. And vivien said she was still hungry. So we went to haegan daez for ais cream... after that, can still go Chow Yang for fried noodle. Goodness... felt sooo stuffed i can barely move.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
light-headed
Swollen eyes, Light-headed, stomach twisting, bored, confused… That’s exactly how I’m feeling right now.
Dunno why I got swollen eyes, probably due to some infection I suppose, beginning to feel like I have only 1 eye right now, cos that swollen eye is making my vision look blur and hurts when I blink my eye.
Jst had Vodka with my brother in his room, and that’s perhaps why I’m feeling abit light headed now… Listening to Norah Jones somemore in the background, this is jst so perfect.
U know..that sort of feeling. Feeling of just relaxing on the sofa, or bed, listening to fantastic soothing music from Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Stacey Kent, Tim Townshed or by fantastic voice like Josh Gorban, Charlotte Church and many others. Feels even greater if you have a companion right beside you together at that moment, who also enjoys the same kind of music. That sort of feeling, of having a companion who could share this passion with you, it’s heaven. How many of these people exist in the world? The comfort you feel, it cannot be described with words.
Ok..I’m getting distracted by Alex now..telling me bout chilling out on this Friday night in clubs with those salsa people already…
Dunno why I got swollen eyes, probably due to some infection I suppose, beginning to feel like I have only 1 eye right now, cos that swollen eye is making my vision look blur and hurts when I blink my eye.
Jst had Vodka with my brother in his room, and that’s perhaps why I’m feeling abit light headed now… Listening to Norah Jones somemore in the background, this is jst so perfect.
U know..that sort of feeling. Feeling of just relaxing on the sofa, or bed, listening to fantastic soothing music from Norah Jones, Diana Krall, Stacey Kent, Tim Townshed or by fantastic voice like Josh Gorban, Charlotte Church and many others. Feels even greater if you have a companion right beside you together at that moment, who also enjoys the same kind of music. That sort of feeling, of having a companion who could share this passion with you, it’s heaven. How many of these people exist in the world? The comfort you feel, it cannot be described with words.
Ok..I’m getting distracted by Alex now..telling me bout chilling out on this Friday night in clubs with those salsa people already…
Friday, April 22, 2005
Daydreaming..
My oh My... Having this day-dream bout lazing on the beach of Bali sun tanning, spending a day at the sea jet skiing, swimming and playing beach volleyball. Reminds me of one of my best time I had when I went with my Form 6 friends to Pangkor 3 years ago. I remember spending the afternoon at the beach, covering Darling up with sand. Remembered how Pussy, darling and I were jst lazing on the beach suntanning when I fell asleep somehow, and woke up to seeing BH standing over me, shading my face with his shadow.
I remembered the pillow fight we had with Ah Boy also, it was fun cos he started lifting me and pussy and throwing us down onto the bed. How when we heard BH entering the room, we pretended to be sleeping... but due to our bad acting skills, he could see immediately that we were jst faking it.
By the time we reached back KL after the trip, everyone was bright red, like a lobster, all got sun-burnt. haha It was really a memorable trip...if only we could turn back time.
Now, everyone has gone their own different ways... Dunno when only can get the chance to see everyone together again to meet up... Hope there will be chances like this again in the future to go travel again with my pals.
I remembered the pillow fight we had with Ah Boy also, it was fun cos he started lifting me and pussy and throwing us down onto the bed. How when we heard BH entering the room, we pretended to be sleeping... but due to our bad acting skills, he could see immediately that we were jst faking it.
By the time we reached back KL after the trip, everyone was bright red, like a lobster, all got sun-burnt. haha It was really a memorable trip...if only we could turn back time.
Now, everyone has gone their own different ways... Dunno when only can get the chance to see everyone together again to meet up... Hope there will be chances like this again in the future to go travel again with my pals.
Friday, April 08, 2005
Job seeking
Yesterday...
I went for the AxxonMobil interview in the morning down in KLCC. The interview went ok..not too bad. It was for the post of Customer Service, helpdesk those sort of thing. After the interview, went home for lunch, then headed towards IBM for another interview there.
The IBM interview had been gempak. But it's only a contract job. First of all, it was near home, worst come to worst if got work to do, I can rush back to teach in SIM. The lady was very very nice also, just felt that we could indeed work together easily. Then I tot also that it was convenient, that it is close to where Donkey is working, that we could hav lunch together sometimes (so he won't b complaining tat I'm not spending time with him, since I wanna continue teaching at nites and on saturdays). But Donkey didn't sound happy with it, he wasn't happy with me working near him. He is even talking about changing jobs now.
Anyway, I've been accepted for that contract job in IBM, but haven looked at the contract, or gotten the offer letter yet. It would be nice working there, but then again, being so close to Donkey.. would perhaps pose problems with Donkey later. I was happy with the idea of being close initially, but after seeing Donkey's reaction and all...it jst didn't seem positive or 'so great' after all.
I went for the AxxonMobil interview in the morning down in KLCC. The interview went ok..not too bad. It was for the post of Customer Service, helpdesk those sort of thing. After the interview, went home for lunch, then headed towards IBM for another interview there.
The IBM interview had been gempak. But it's only a contract job. First of all, it was near home, worst come to worst if got work to do, I can rush back to teach in SIM. The lady was very very nice also, just felt that we could indeed work together easily. Then I tot also that it was convenient, that it is close to where Donkey is working, that we could hav lunch together sometimes (so he won't b complaining tat I'm not spending time with him, since I wanna continue teaching at nites and on saturdays). But Donkey didn't sound happy with it, he wasn't happy with me working near him. He is even talking about changing jobs now.
Anyway, I've been accepted for that contract job in IBM, but haven looked at the contract, or gotten the offer letter yet. It would be nice working there, but then again, being so close to Donkey.. would perhaps pose problems with Donkey later. I was happy with the idea of being close initially, but after seeing Donkey's reaction and all...it jst didn't seem positive or 'so great' after all.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Salsa day
Today, went to SIM for my admin work as usual. Jst when I was entertaining a customer at the desk, i kept getting calls. Got called from KellyIT telling me the good news of an interview with ExxonMobil next week. Hooray... Then got a call for an interview with Enable.com (the one fahsam went already) TODAY. Anyway, i spent the whole day at SIM doing data entry, answering phone calls. Really tiring somehow.
Went home during lunch time to prepare my certs and resumes for Enable.com. About 4pm, Andrew came to fetch me to KL for the interview. Really appreciate him going through the jam to take me for my interview. HIs dad was admitted to IJN again last nite, really pray and hope his dad is all rite. That donkey also very grumpy and moody today, everything i say or do simply annoys him. Anyway, the interview with Enable.com lasted really long. I went for the interview as system engineer and got bombarded by tons of technical questions. Later he proposed and say I may be more suitable for the marketting department. Saying that even if I do sales, I get the chance to follow those system engineer's out on their rounds, and learn technical things. He got me interested, the part of doing sales and can pick up technical skills. Anyway, my big mouth landed me up in filling up another test paper for the Sales part, and another interview with the same guy. Golly. FUnny how my interview with him seems to last much longer then the other guy's interview with him.
Anyway, after the interview, dad called to ask me to stop by Datuk hse, kononnya PC cannot switch on. When i went over, there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with it. Geram betul. Then we proceeded to go for Salsa class in Tmn Tun.
Miracally, Donkey agreed to join the class too. He looked rather bored at first, but when it came to the partner dancing, he seems to have awaken a little. As there were only 3 guys in the class, they were the 'hotcakes', they had to b partners for all the other girls. Wonder what I have jst gotten myself into by inviting him to join the salsa class. It was quite cool, it was seperated into 2 sections. First is the individiual part, then there was the partner part. If there were enough guys in the class for the partner time, then it would have been great, it's better having someone to work with together always during partner time. I wore my mom's dancing shoes which seems a size too small for me. Got aching toes now. Ouch.
After class, we went for dinner at tat cool looking restaurant nearby the dance school. Halfway thru dinner, dad called again. Said Datuk cannot connect to his streamyx. Geram betul. Had to go back to his hse, and switch on the modem for him. things like tat also he dunno how to switch on. My dad another one, kept insisting tat I go over to meet Datuk, since now Datuk is back from England. Not only that, all this nonsentical things got Donkey pissed off.
A very exhausting day... having dad nagging on 1 side, and Donkey yelling at me on the other side. He never thought of it that if I do not listen to my dad, it would spark another arguement between me wit my dad. And with Donkey in the picture, cos donkey was with me, it won't be nice for Donkey either.
Went home during lunch time to prepare my certs and resumes for Enable.com. About 4pm, Andrew came to fetch me to KL for the interview. Really appreciate him going through the jam to take me for my interview. HIs dad was admitted to IJN again last nite, really pray and hope his dad is all rite. That donkey also very grumpy and moody today, everything i say or do simply annoys him. Anyway, the interview with Enable.com lasted really long. I went for the interview as system engineer and got bombarded by tons of technical questions. Later he proposed and say I may be more suitable for the marketting department. Saying that even if I do sales, I get the chance to follow those system engineer's out on their rounds, and learn technical things. He got me interested, the part of doing sales and can pick up technical skills. Anyway, my big mouth landed me up in filling up another test paper for the Sales part, and another interview with the same guy. Golly. FUnny how my interview with him seems to last much longer then the other guy's interview with him.
Anyway, after the interview, dad called to ask me to stop by Datuk hse, kononnya PC cannot switch on. When i went over, there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with it. Geram betul. Then we proceeded to go for Salsa class in Tmn Tun.
Miracally, Donkey agreed to join the class too. He looked rather bored at first, but when it came to the partner dancing, he seems to have awaken a little. As there were only 3 guys in the class, they were the 'hotcakes', they had to b partners for all the other girls. Wonder what I have jst gotten myself into by inviting him to join the salsa class. It was quite cool, it was seperated into 2 sections. First is the individiual part, then there was the partner part. If there were enough guys in the class for the partner time, then it would have been great, it's better having someone to work with together always during partner time. I wore my mom's dancing shoes which seems a size too small for me. Got aching toes now. Ouch.
After class, we went for dinner at tat cool looking restaurant nearby the dance school. Halfway thru dinner, dad called again. Said Datuk cannot connect to his streamyx. Geram betul. Had to go back to his hse, and switch on the modem for him. things like tat also he dunno how to switch on. My dad another one, kept insisting tat I go over to meet Datuk, since now Datuk is back from England. Not only that, all this nonsentical things got Donkey pissed off.
A very exhausting day... having dad nagging on 1 side, and Donkey yelling at me on the other side. He never thought of it that if I do not listen to my dad, it would spark another arguement between me wit my dad. And with Donkey in the picture, cos donkey was with me, it won't be nice for Donkey either.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
SIM in UTAR, and Dasmon's wedding
Today's UTAR launching, and SIM performed the orchestra there as part of the program. The ministers and press came over to take photo's, and as usual..I played the percussion part. It was fun though... to be part of an orchestra.
After UTAR, vivien and I went over to 1Utama for lunch, and to buy andrew another shirt, since he said the old one which I bought is very hot and cacat.
In the evening, went over to Tropicana, Dasmon's wedding. Sat next to Chee Wei.. Felt abit weird at first. Very hard to pin-point wat is weird. But anywya, saw alot of people there... ate until I feel fat like a pig.
After UTAR, vivien and I went over to 1Utama for lunch, and to buy andrew another shirt, since he said the old one which I bought is very hot and cacat.
In the evening, went over to Tropicana, Dasmon's wedding. Sat next to Chee Wei.. Felt abit weird at first. Very hard to pin-point wat is weird. But anywya, saw alot of people there... ate until I feel fat like a pig.
Monday, March 21, 2005
Sounds Of Music
Sounds of Music was great.. Overall I did enjoy myself. Eeyore came over my house about 6plus to pick me and Vivien up. After that we went to Istana Budaya first to pick up the tickets then went to Ampang Park for Eeyore's dinner. Each of us bought a Sounds of Music t-shirt.
I would say...it is really not bad, the singing and all was great. Most admired is the props... It jst looks so nice. Compared to last time's CAts, the props jst looked so 'ordinary'... The background for this Sounds Of Music really looked nice, the way the background poster blended in with the props so nicely.... The kids were a fantastic group also... Really felt like I'm watchin it on TV...so Flawless and so real, and so great.
Waiting for Eeyore to come online so I can talk to him awhile more and wish him a proper goodnite before I go over to Genting tomorrow for 2 days with my friends...but again, it looks like he's too engrossed with his TV set and looks like it doesn't matter to him if i'm going to be around, or not around. It never did. SO i shall jst log off and go to bed. Nitessss....
I would say...it is really not bad, the singing and all was great. Most admired is the props... It jst looks so nice. Compared to last time's CAts, the props jst looked so 'ordinary'... The background for this Sounds Of Music really looked nice, the way the background poster blended in with the props so nicely.... The kids were a fantastic group also... Really felt like I'm watchin it on TV...so Flawless and so real, and so great.
Waiting for Eeyore to come online so I can talk to him awhile more and wish him a proper goodnite before I go over to Genting tomorrow for 2 days with my friends...but again, it looks like he's too engrossed with his TV set and looks like it doesn't matter to him if i'm going to be around, or not around. It never did. SO i shall jst log off and go to bed. Nitessss....
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Finished Finals
I've completed my Finals 4 days ago...and somehow it seems ageeesss ago. Time really past by slowly since I completed my finals
Today went to Mid Valley in the afternoon to pick up some groceries with my mom and stupid idiotic sister. Bumped into Wai Kiat selling his citibank cards, so I ended up sitting there for about an hour chatting with him while mom does her shopping. It was great seeing him again, the 2nd time this month in Shopping Complexes.
Grace telling me up about her CLubbing stories last week.... Eeyore won't allow me to go clubbing. Not even happy when I drink, talk about clubbing..it's a big No No for him. I'm going Sounds of Music later in Istana Budaya, will blog about it soon enuf when I get back. Looks dark and cloudy outside, looks like it's gonna rain cats and dogs soon =( wanted to go there earlier so can snap pictures with my digi camera in the park there.....
Tomorrow I'm joining my coursemates in Genting... Eeyore got exams, not able to join me =( My school bag (the bag wai kiat helped me buy since Form 6 time) won't be able to fit dolphin inside. Tot of bringing dolphin so I can hug dolphin to sleep... Shit..it is indeeed raining now..... groan....
Today went to Mid Valley in the afternoon to pick up some groceries with my mom and stupid idiotic sister. Bumped into Wai Kiat selling his citibank cards, so I ended up sitting there for about an hour chatting with him while mom does her shopping. It was great seeing him again, the 2nd time this month in Shopping Complexes.
Grace telling me up about her CLubbing stories last week.... Eeyore won't allow me to go clubbing. Not even happy when I drink, talk about clubbing..it's a big No No for him. I'm going Sounds of Music later in Istana Budaya, will blog about it soon enuf when I get back. Looks dark and cloudy outside, looks like it's gonna rain cats and dogs soon =( wanted to go there earlier so can snap pictures with my digi camera in the park there.....
Tomorrow I'm joining my coursemates in Genting... Eeyore got exams, not able to join me =( My school bag (the bag wai kiat helped me buy since Form 6 time) won't be able to fit dolphin inside. Tot of bringing dolphin so I can hug dolphin to sleep... Shit..it is indeeed raining now..... groan....
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Tomorrow Last Day
Tomorrow is the last day of my final exams..... feeling excited, cannot wait to finish. Barely studied much for this paper, the study-mood seems to be dimininshing. Anyway, really cannot wait to finish.
My coursemates plan to go Genting coming Monday, I haven't actually confirm myself yet, but I am looking forward to joinin them.
My coursemates plan to go Genting coming Monday, I haven't actually confirm myself yet, but I am looking forward to joinin them.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
dad's bday
Today was daddie's bday...
Woke up early on a sunday morning, went to Zainuddin's house with brother to go install the printer and fix up some small stuff's in his PC. Came home, went to Kampachi restaurant in imperial hotel for buffet lunch. Yummy....japanese buffet...came back really stuffed. AFter that, drove over to sban granny's house for a while, then came back home.
Ate our chocolate cake at home, and had that bottle of white wine which tasted somehow, bitter...not sweet like how the guy described it.
Gonna finish my final papers soon... Time to start calling old friends out for reunion... Sounds of Music with Samantha and Vivien, here I comeeeeee (since as i said, Eeyore doens't seem keen).
I haven been to Alexis, it's perhaps time to see if Grace is keen to go there with me or not after exams..... would be cool to celebrate there. Of cos, it would have been better if Eeyore could accompany me there too...but again, hmmm...
Eeyore doesn't seem keen to go anywhere with me.... He only seems keen for his diving, and that's all. Period. he doesn't seem interested in anything else...
Woke up early on a sunday morning, went to Zainuddin's house with brother to go install the printer and fix up some small stuff's in his PC. Came home, went to Kampachi restaurant in imperial hotel for buffet lunch. Yummy....japanese buffet...came back really stuffed. AFter that, drove over to sban granny's house for a while, then came back home.
Ate our chocolate cake at home, and had that bottle of white wine which tasted somehow, bitter...not sweet like how the guy described it.
Gonna finish my final papers soon... Time to start calling old friends out for reunion... Sounds of Music with Samantha and Vivien, here I comeeeeee (since as i said, Eeyore doens't seem keen).
I haven been to Alexis, it's perhaps time to see if Grace is keen to go there with me or not after exams..... would be cool to celebrate there. Of cos, it would have been better if Eeyore could accompany me there too...but again, hmmm...
Eeyore doesn't seem keen to go anywhere with me.... He only seems keen for his diving, and that's all. Period. he doesn't seem interested in anything else...
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Eeyore MIA
Oh no...... there seems to be soooo many hours in a day without Eeyore around.... This is bad....
Eeyore left me to go Ipoh... he really left me, after promising not to leave me. Anyway, really glad I still have dolphin and Patrick to keep me company at home.
I got Fuzzy Logic exam tomorrow, hope it will all go well....
And my final final paper is next week, Wednesday. My Mobile Computing paper, which I'm not very sure about what is covered in exam. After tomorrow, must go bug people and ask about the topics covered in Mobile exam...
Eeyore left me to go Ipoh... he really left me, after promising not to leave me. Anyway, really glad I still have dolphin and Patrick to keep me company at home.
I got Fuzzy Logic exam tomorrow, hope it will all go well....
And my final final paper is next week, Wednesday. My Mobile Computing paper, which I'm not very sure about what is covered in exam. After tomorrow, must go bug people and ask about the topics covered in Mobile exam...
Friday, March 04, 2005
Completed Final Year Project report
I've finally completed my final year project report this morning. Binded it, and went to submit to Ms Mangalam this morning at 12pm. I didn't manage to see Dr Rukaini (my moderator) though.. went to uni THREE times today, but still cannot see her. She put her status as "In a Meeting", dunno where she went. Surprising thing is, she left her room lights off... will she be back in her office? Hmm... Too late to do anything now, just hope that she accepts my report tomorrow or Monday. Anyway, I am really exhausted now, but glad. Phewww....
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